You do not need to be in love to be sad and depressed about a relationship ending.
Sometimes in life we meet that certain someone who you literally think is a perfect fit for you, inside and out. The chemistry is unreal in your eyes. The conversations about life, sharing new memories and supporting each other through stressful times. Being there for each other.
Even if it was a short time knowing them, you knew there was something special between you two. It started with the first time you met, followed by the way they looked at you and made you feel. You had that certain connection that all couples crave, an understanding of each other without even saying a word. You could tell they felt the same by the extra squeeze during hand holding. You did so much together… laughed, cried, smiled.
We are all looking for that person to fulfill our mental, emotional and physical needs. When you know and realize that this person is someone that does that for you, but they do not feel the same, it hurts. Really bad.
Being rejected by someone takes a toll on us. The phone calls, the emojis and even texts are not returned for days. The events you had planned together are now all cancelled.
This emptiness is quite literally a hole inside of ourselves.
So, what is a person to do after all this to move on?
The first thing you should know is that it will take time, probably longer than you think.
There is no timetable.
I have put together some ideas or solutions that could help you move on from this relationship.
Clear the baggage including acknowledging, accepting and letting go of your feelings
- Every broken relationship has baggage. The more intense and longer your relationship was, the more there is to unpack. This can be all sorts of feelings and emotions. Sadness, resentment, regret, frustration, grief, anger and many others. It is alright and acceptable to cry. Express yourself and do not bottle them inside. Let them go slowly.
Recognize he/she is not the right one for you
- Is your mind pre-occupied with the thought “they are the one for me?”Is it difficult to imagine being with someone else?Unfortunately, if both parties are not 110% into the relationship for whatever reason, the person is not the right one for you.
Seek closure with him/her
- This is critical to happen. If possible, do this face to face. I am sure you have so many questions… Why? What did I do wrong? Can we just continue work on it? Didn’t the things we did together mean anything? Are we just taking a break? Might even want to write your questions down. You won’t get the answers you want, but an answer no less.
Reduce contact with him/her
- The daily texts and calls are over. These first moments after the relationship will be tremendously difficult. You looked forward to the communication and now their name never comes up. If you reduce the contact and they also, it is the tough realization the relationship wasn’t meant to be.
Share with your close friends
- Friends are there to give you advice, support and encouragement about moving forward. This can really be a healing, helpful way to get through this. Going through this with them can also strengthen your friendship.
Distract yourself with things that you love to do
- What has been on that bucket list for some time? How about some traveling? Train for a 5k? That tv show you have been dying to see?
Meet new or reconnect with people
- Get out there! How about going to a meetup event? Reconnect with friends you have not talked with in a while. What new adventure is waiting out there for you?
Believe there is someone out there for you
- I know this relationship took a lot out of you. It will be difficult to move forward in finding someone new, but you are a good person and have great qualities. There is someone truly out there for you who will appreciate you being you. It is going to take some more time.
Be aware that actually moving on and just thinking you have moved on are two completely different paths.If you continue to think about them and memories, you are not there yet. Once you are actually moving on, you could experience new things and possibly even a new relationship.
Larry Baumgartner is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the state of Florida and Founder/Owner of the Trinity Relationship Center. His specialty is helping couples reconnect, rebuild and restore their relationship from affairs/infidelity, communication and relationship issues. Larry offers marriage counseling/couples therapy and individual therapy. For a FREE phone consultation call Larry direct at 727-946-1346. You can schedule your in-person appointment in Trinity, FL or an online counseling appointment from anywhere in Florida at www.TrinityRelationshipCenter.com